A Deep Abyss
by Autore Raita
Summary: He was 21 this year, a grown adult. But before the eyes of his mother, he was always a child. Five Years Later. Oneshot.


_"The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness."_

_~Honoré de Balzac_

* * *

He stood in front of the door, hands paused before the knob hesitatedly. As his eyes flickered towards the window, he wondered briefly of what she would think of what he had become. It wasn't planned. Like so many other times, he'd fled from Italy and came here without his guardian's knowledge.

Swallowing past the thickness in his throat, he took a step back like he had done so many times before when the door flew opened.

His eyes widened at the sight of his mother standing by the door. Her eyes shone with the same kindness he remembered. And despite the wrinkles, age spots and the grey hair peeking through the brown, she was still as beautiful as he remembered.

He watched as her hands flew up to her lips, as she whispered shakily, "I-I thought I saw someone from the window.."

Hearing her voice for the first time for so long, he realised just how much he had missed her. His eyes softened unconsciously and a genuine smile appeared on his lips for the first time in months, "Tadaima, Kaa-san."

Nana's eyes widened, her voice hitching in her throat. Tears glistened in her eyes as she whispered back with one of her broadest smile,"Okaeri, Tsu-kun."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Tsu-kun, we ran out of tea today," Nana apologised as she placed a cup of juice in his hands.

Tsuna shook his head with a smile, about to tell her that it was fine when she stood up straight, eyes lighting up as she whispered, "Ah! I remember we still have the rice crackers you loved the most!"

He watched in amusement as she scampered towards the kitchen, returning quickly towards the table with a basket of crackers. She then rushed back towards the kitchen and returned several few more times with more treats.

"Kaa-san," Tsuna called softly, before raising his voice to stop her from returning to the kitchen once more, "Kaa-san!"

Nana froze, rooted to the ground as she turned around slowly to face him. Tsuna smiled, shaking his head, "I don't need anything, Kaa-san. Its enough that you're here."

Nana's eyes widened as tears once more, began to fill her eyes, "Oh Tsu-kun.."

As she rushed forward, enveloping him into a tight hug, he felt his heart warming in a way he missed so much. And he wondered, just exactly why did he hesitate so much towards opening that door.

A few minutes later, Tsuna found himself lying on his mothers lap in the living room as the television played a rerun of an old drama.

Closing his eyes, Tsuna relished the feeling of his mother's fingers against his scalp. It felt like kindergarden all over again, when she would place him on her lap and sooth him to sleep after a depressing day filled with school bullies.

The house had changed. The furniture were different. Some replaced, some thrown away. But it felt as warm as ever. He took a in deep breath and smiled unconsciously. It was the smell of home.

"You should've called before you came Tsu-kun," Nana admonished him softly, a smile playing on her lips, "I would've prepared."

Tsuna's eyes softened, turning slightly pained as pressed closer towards her, "Sorry.. Kaa-san.. I just- I just wanted to see you."

Her heart melted at the sincerity in his words. Nana sighed happily, glancing at his now broad shoulders with a prideful smile, "Its fine, Tsu-kun. This is your home. You're always welcomed."

Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes. Only his mother. She was always the only one that could made him feel as if the whole world didn't matter. As if he was the only one she was watching.

"Tsu-kun?" Nana questioned softly as he made no reply, her hands pausing in his hair in mid-movement, "Is.. Is something wrong?"

Tsuna flinched at the question. But at the same time, a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. She was always able to read him this easily. Or perhaps, it just too obvious how broken he was, he thought as his smile turned bitter.

"N-ne, Okaa-san," he began hesitantly, shutting his eyes tightly as he braced himself for the rejection, "What do you think of someone who has killed?"

Nana glanced down at his son, blinking in confusion when she noticed his shaking hands and realised almost instantly, that the question meant a lot to him.

"Hmm.." Nana hummed out slowly, furrowing her eyebrows as she wondered why he was asking, "For starters.. Why did he kill?"

Tsuna swallowed, breathing in deeply to get rid of the tightness in his chest, determined not to let the tears show as he answered her, "T-to keep his family safe."

How funny this was. He was a mafia boss, one that commanded thousands of people. And yet here he was, stumbling over his words in front of his mother, about to lose himself in his tears.

"Then," Nana spoke, running her hands through his hair once more to calm him down, "It wasn't because he enjoyed killing?"

A sharp intake of breath left Tsuna as he jerked his head around to stare at his mother in shock. His mouth opened, closed and opened. Before he finally whispered, hurt and pain in his eyes, _"I would never.."_

Right before she could say anything, he quickly recovered, "I-I mean, he would never!"

Nana nodded once more, a smile now forming at her lips, "Then I think its fine."

Tsuna stiffened, obviously not expecting her reply. He gaped up at her, eyes wide in disbelief, "Its fine..?"

Nana nodded, her smile unfaltering, "Our hands aren't stained when we kill to protect, Tsu-kun. Its stained with blood when we kill for pleasure. That man is a good man. Even though he killed to protect, he undertands the value of life and grieves for those he killed doesn't he? Then its fine."

"B-but.." Tsuna protested weakly, "He killed them.. He killed them all.. Even as they were begging for their lives to be spared.. All those people he killed had families.. And yet he killed them.."

"And he's paid the price," Nana spoke patiently, tugging past the small knots in his hair gently, "He has felt more sadness at pain that perhaps even of those he has killed. Its enough. Its time to move on, Tsu-kun."

"But he killed them," Tsuna whispered, eyes desperate, "He killed them and he doesn't even regret doing it! He's a monster.."

"You're wrong, Tsu-kun," Nana whispered softly, "He isn't a monster. He doesn't regret his actions because his loved ones are still alive because of them. Its normal. There is no need to beat himself up for that. Its good that he feels grieve, because it means his heart is still there. But its enough. He has felt the grieve and now its time for him to move on."

Tsuna stared at her, eyes wide, filled with tears. He opened his mouth, desperately trying to fight back, to prove her wrong. Because he knew, that he was a monster. He had killed so many people, he didn't deserve to be forgiven.

Nana softened her eyes, whispering to him gently, "_I would forgive him, Tsu-kun. No, I forgive you."_

Tsuna's breath hitched in his throat as he stared up at her in shock. A trail of tears formed down his cheek as he whispered out, "Why? Why would you forgive someone like me?"

"Because you protected your friends," Nana whispered, smiling at him in acceptance and kindness, "Because you did it even though you hated it so much. Because you sacrificed your morals and principles for the sake of keeping your loved one safe. I'm not only forgiving you, Tsu-kun. I'm proud of you."

Something broke inside of his at her words. His face crumpled and his mask fell at her words. He became undone, releasing a choke sob as he buried himself in her arms, crying months worth of tears, sobbing out everything he had felt.

But even as he cried, he felt, for the first time in months, that perhaps everything would be okay after all.

And when he found himself standing right by the door once more, his mother looking terribly dejected, he leaned in, gave her a hug and told her that he wanted her to move in with him to Italy. The very words he had been trying to get out of himself since months ago.

Iemitsu would no doubt lose it when he found out. Perhaps even Reborn might give him a punch or two. But screw them all, because his mother's glistening eyes and her beaming answering smile was all that mattered to him.

_He was 21 this year, a grown adult. But before the eyes of his mother, he was always a child. _

_~Fin._

* * *

Mini Omake

"Eat up, Tsu-kun!" Nana smiled warmly at her son, gesturing towards the rice crackers.

Tsuna nodded slowly, staring at the rice crackers unsurely. His hyper intuition was going overdrive, telling him not to eat it. It wasn't warning him about the kind of danger that held permanent damage. But it was damage nonetheless.

Glancing up at his mother's smiling face, Tsuna lost all attempts of protest instantly. With a nervous laugh, he held up one of the crackers, and gulped, before taking a bite.

His eyes went wide like saucers instantly as he began to turn green.

"Oh my, Tsu-kun?" Nana called curiously.

Tsuna dropped the remaining cracker in his hands and fell forward, slamming his head into the table.

"Tsu-kun!"

He should have known that his mother would have kept the snacks from five years ago, when he left the house.

* * *

Did I get 'Tadaima' and 'Okaeri' correct this time? ;)

I wasn't planning to write it this way, but it just sort of came out. What do you think?


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